A Home Within Herself

Have you always been writing music or what was kind of the switch?

Since I was 16 basically, I started writing music, I was always a writer first of all. I was always looking for so many ways to express that and poetry appealed to me from a very early age. I always loved music so writing songs felt like the natural progression of that. I remember I had a teacher in 8th grade, Miss Macdougal, who was my English teacher and she had this thing called “Coffee Talk” it was an after-school situation. Kind of like you go to a cafe and there would be slam poetry, like that vibe. She invited students to just write their poems and present them after school, she would have cookies and coffee it was so cute. I remember people would bring their guitars and sing their little songs that they were writing in 8th grade. You can imagine what that sounded like, I think at the time Paramore was huge. I mean they're still huge but they were really blowing up at the time and it was like Vans Warped Tour, that whole era. The songs were a very emo vibe. I remember also writing songs like that too but I didn’t really get encouraged to do it for real until I was like 16. I had this family friend who lived across the street from my grandmother and he had a little studio in his basement. Me and my little brother would go over there and he taught us how to make beats and gave us this software. So when I got this little computer I had this beats helper on it and I would run home from school everyday. I would watch TRL then get on the computer for hours and zone out with my headphones making beats and singing my little tunes into the shitty microphone. It’s always been apart of my life, I’ve always done it I just didn’t think I could pursue it professionally because you have all kinds of people in your ear but I think I’m at a very different place now.

What's been your journey with singing, were you always able to sing or did you take voice lessons?

I feel like I always gravitated towards certain kinds of singers like TLC; I grew up listening to Britney, that was one of the first CD’s I ever bought, “Baby One More Time”. I started off kind of just impersonating their voices, I can still to this day do a really fierce Britney impression. It’s nasty. I started out doing that but I think like so many queer babies I had this performative gene where I needed to be in front of people. I need to be doing something in front of people. At first it was spelling bees, then choir, then it became chess club. When I went to college, I did a little bit of non-musical theatre, actual plays. I wrote songs on the side and performed at open mics. 

How do you feel about this new album?

I was just on the phone with a friend before I hoped on to talk to you and she was reflecting back to me the amount of grace it takes to be an artist. Not only to put your work out there but to make that the center of what you're doing. I have other little side hustles, like money gigs, but this is my main thing. I focus 85 percent if not 90 percent of my energy on this, on making songs, on the business of being a musician, on practicing, coming up with visual ideas. It really is like being a little entrepreneur. I like it that way, I’m a Leo rising and a Cancer sun so for as senstive as I am, I’m also really fierce and need to be in charge. In this version of my life, I really feel like I’m driving the ship. Anyway, she was saying it takes a lot of risk to do that and I’m aware of that. I feel like I have spent a small fortune making this album so it better pay off. I feel good. I feel so blessed to even have the ability to do any of this, to be talking to you, and to preform. I have a show tomorrow I have to prepare, I don’t know it’s just an exciting time. It feels like I’m having a birthday; it is my birthday.

 How is the collaboration process, working with other people?

I feel really lucky, I have been really lucky, I have a really, really, really amazing support system. I think it is just a matter of I communicate my hopes, dreams, and desires. I seem to find or a attract people who are also vibing at the same wavelength. That’s cool because it doesn’t always happen like that. I know people attract people who are really toxic or parasitic or just take from them, want all their money. I’ve been really lucky to not have any of that, I’ve just had really good people around me who really love music and want it to be about music, the art of it. I hope it stays that way.

 Was there a specific inspiration for this album?

I think coming off my first album, which I created and released mostly in the middle of the pandemic, I released it in August, August 5th 2020, when I was living on a farm. I think coming off of that and being in a space like a farm with just acreage, land, and you're growing things, you are in communion with animals and plants. You feel like you're really grounded. I knew the second album, whatever it was going to shape up to be, had to have a sense of grounding. Had to be about home and how I found home within myself. Shortly after that time, I began my medical transitioning process. I had always been living as a fluid being, as a woman, but for me it felt necessary to take certain steps to really affirm that for myself physically. Since I made that leap, I felt like the concept of home was shifted. Then it became more about how do I find comfort in my skin and my identity as a Trans woman, as a black person, as a Queer person. The first song I wrote for the album is a song called “Wildflowers”, which is about my grandmother. She died three years ago, but she remains a really strong spiritual force in my life. She had this piece of advice about gardening, because she taught me what I knew about gardening when I was young. Every Mother’s Day, me, my father, and my younger brother used to plant a garden for her. I remember we would also pull weeds in her backyard because they would grow so wildly in the summer and I always looked forward to that. I remember once I wanted to pull a weed that looked like a flower and my grandmother said “Don’t pull that. That’s a wildflower”. She basically said get rid of everything but the wildflowers. As I have gotten older and reflected on that, I took it as a metaphor or a piece of advice for my life. Let your life be a bit wild, don’t take yourself or life too seriously. Take what you need and leave the rest, that kind of thing, and make sure to give back. Caring for the Earth is always giving back, it should be like that in your relationships.

I wanted the album to have this sense of home and comfort, the sounds uphold a lot of the songs I grew up listening to, like the R&B music I was mentioning and old soul records like Patty LaBelle, Roberta Flack, Nina Simone, I just wanted it to have all of those vibes and textures.

What’s the difference between releasing this album and your first? Especially not being in Covid for this release. 

I think the big difference is, well, I refuse to see that things are getting back to normal. Normal wasn’t amazing anyways. Normal was everyone dying of burnout. It was not giving. I would say that things are opening up and there is a sense of people redefining their lives. With this album, the second album, I felt a bit freer. I also had a few more resources, not just financially but I had more because, music is a long game. I think a lot of people do it for a quick hit or something viral, but to me, it really is about building a body of work over a sustained period of time that you can really rest on. I felt like I just wanted to make something beautiful and I had more resources to do it. I had more people in my life who were musical, because of my first album and where that took me and how it allowed me to travel a bit. The second album allowed that for me too, it got me to a place where now I’m signed to a small label. An indie, Queer, and trans label Get Better Records based in LA and Philly. So that’s the difference it is just more resources and more ability to create the things I want to create. I’m not under lockdown so I can actually go to studios and physically meet with people. I’m not doing facetime studio sessions which is what I was doing before.

Do you like performing live? What are your thoughts on it?

I’m obsessed. Like I've said, I have this thing where I need to be on stage, I need to be seen. I don't know if it’s a mental illness, but if so, I have it.

I’m guessing you weren’t nervous for your first show?

I was, but you know what, I am a super spiritual person. I feel very motivated by forces bigger than me. I think I am being guided to each step, a lot of the steps I have taken in my life have been made with a lot of intuition and foresight and guidance with spirituality and also just people in my life who are really grounded. I am really into performing because I feel like something is leading me to be there, I am basically fulfilling my purpose by performing.

Your stage name is Michael Love Michael, but you go by Michelle; where did the stage name come from?

It was a name that a shaman had given me, it was also what I named myself because I had gone on this journey with this shaman. It is mysterious and hard to talk about. Basically, I came out of that journey feeling really clear about the fact that I was always protected by Michael. Michael is also the name I was born with but I don’t use that name anymore. I like the idea that, that entity is now an angel that looks out for me and is the source of my creative power. I have reclaimed it a little bit.

When did you get the idea to release an album? What gave you the courage?

I had a job I was working that I really liked, but I was feeling creatively unfulfilled in a certain way. I always dreamed of like fully making an album. I remember going on my computer, and I had this file of old demos I made when I was sixteen. I had songs called like “Teenage Millionaire” and “Little Star” stuff like that. I was listening to these songs like some of these sort of slap, I would not release them now, but some of them I could hear the creativity and the energy of being that young and excited about music. I wanted to recapture that for myself; I have always had a personality where I just kind of go for things. It is the same way I moved to New York. I just went for it. Some part of me just innately trusts myself, I think because I have had to. I have taken care of myself for so long; I have been on my own basically since 17 years old. Working, paying my own bills, having apartments, and that kind of thing while still in high school. I just know that I can trust myself in the end. I basically was like I don’t want to die without having tried. What’s the worst that could happen? People hate it and I get canceled for making shitting music, but I knew myself and I knew that wouldn’t happen because I have taste.

Stream the album and checkout the album release now.